A Martian tries to understand the incredible Lyndale School situation (episode 2)

A Martian tries to understand the incredible Lyndale School situation (episode 2)

A Martian tries to understand the incredible Lyndale School situation (episode 2)

                                                  

Marvin the Martian from Disney's Looney Tunes
Marvin the Martian from Disney’s Looney Tunes

The below is a fictional interview with Marvin the Martian about Lyndale School. Marvin the Martian is trademarked to Warner Brothers Entertainment. Our legal team point out their trademark doesn’t actually cover its use on blogs but in case they try to argue this blog is an “entertainment service”, it isn’t, so no laughing! Yes I mean it, not even a smile! We also point out it’s not an infringing use of class 9 of this trademark as that refers to its use on goods rather than virtually.

We rely on s.30 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 and class this as “fair dealing” due to the acknowledgement above. When the The Copyright and Rights in Performances (Quotation and Parody) Regulations 2014 come into force in October, we’ll probably rely on them too and the new section 30A on parody.

Continues from A Martian tries to understand the incredible Lyndale School situation (episode 2).

JOHN BRACE: Thanks for agreeing to talk about Lyndale School (again).

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: You’re welcome, but I must admit we’re even more confused today.

JOHN BRACE: Why’s that?

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: Well we just listened from our spaceship to the BBC Radio Merseyside broadcast.

JOHN BRACE: Ahh, I see.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: The way Lyndale was described it’s a hospital, not a school.

JOHN BRACE: I see why you’re confused. It’s both in a way.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: Well thanks for clearing that point up. So now we can say the red politicians want to close a hospital?

JOHN BRACE: No the red politicians will say they invented free hospitals, that hospitals are very dear to their heart and that they don’t want to privatise them as it doesn’t fit with their socialist ideals. They’ll tell you that hospitals aren’t safe in the hands of the blues or the yellows (or any other colour than red).

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: But the blues, yellows and greens want to keep this “hospital” open! The reds keep voting at every stage to close it!

JOHN BRACE: The reds will say they just voted for “consultation”, won’t call it a hospital and if pressed, they’ll just blame it on the blues and the yellows.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: Right there’s another point I want clearing up now too. The bureaucrats who work for the reds, say that the blues and yellows are giving the reds an extra £260,029 this year for special educational needs.

JOHN BRACE: Yes.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: But the blues and the yellows say that it’s not £260,029, but £364,135 and that the reds were told in January that they can spend this SEN Reform Revenue Grant to “choose how to spend the money in order to best meet local need” and that its purposes is (according to the blues/yellows) to “improve outcomes for children and young people with SEN; increase choice and control for parents; and promote a less adversarial system.”?

JOHN BRACE: The reds would prefer you didn’t mention that.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: Why?

JOHN BRACE: Well their whole argument is blaming the blues and yellows for giving them less money, not more. It’s an “inconvenient truth”.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: And in politics you don’t talk about the inconvenient truths?

JOHN BRACE: Yes, it’s not diplomatic or tactful to do so. If you try that with a red politician they’ll call you “political”.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: And why is that a bad thing?

JOHN BRACE: Because like unravelling a ball of string, once you start plucking away at one bit the whole thing starts falling apart.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: So the reds believe if they repeat enough that the blues and yellows are giving them less money that people like BBC Radio Merseyside will repeat it?

JOHN BRACE: Yes, they’ve been on a media training course you see.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: Oh, in how to deal with people like you?

JOHN BRACE: Partly, but anyway your arguments about money are pointless.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: Why?

JOHN BRACE: Because Wirral Council has been given the money referred to above (at least the first two instalments), but they don’t officially have it.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: What kind of double talk is that?

JOHN BRACE: It’s not part of the budget that Labour agreed back in the Spring of 2014.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: Was that deliberate?

JOHN BRACE: You mean they’d deliberately try to close the school, then suddenly magically find money they knew they had all along but tried to keep quiet and then use that to keep it open to make themselves look wonderful?

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: No, did they deliberately set a budget knowing they had this extra money?

JOHN BRACE: I don’t know, you’d better ask them.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: Going back to the radio show, they said it should be about the children.

JOHN BRACE: Yes it should.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: So why do they keep getting talked out of the discussion?

JOHN BRACE: Because politicians would rather score political points.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: I listened to the parents, they referred to a “David versus Goliath” battle.

JOHN BRACE: It always is with Wirral Council, see the battles I had with them over filming meetings (until central government stepped in).

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: So they were worried you’d film them “scoring political points”?

JOHN BRACE: No.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: Oh so they were worried you’d film them trying to close a school?

JOHN BRACE: No.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: So what were the reasons then?

JOHN BRACE: Health and safety.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: Well that’s ironic in a way isn’t it? They’re bothered about the health and safety implications of you filming meetings but not the health and safety of the Lyndale children?

JOHN BRACE: You might put it that way, I couldn’t possibly comment.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: Well, the parents seem to think it’ll affect their children’s health if the school is closed.

JOHN BRACE: A lot of people think it would.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: And if the school closes all the staff are out of a job too.

JOHN BRACE: Yes, but the reds are the “party of the workers”.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: What does that mean?

JOHN BRACE: It means they side with the unions and the workers.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: Ahh, so the unions want to close Lyndale?

JOHN BRACE: No, the unions are against closure. See UNISON’s response starting on page 37 which states the consultation was “misleading” and compared to Children’s Centres that there is no “equality or fairness” for Lyndale staff. NUT (National Union of Teachers) also states the consultation was “misleading” and that if Lyndale was closed “some of our most vulnerable pupils will be left without access to a local school.”

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: This whole politics thing is starting not to make any sense!

JOHN BRACE: Now you know how people feel about the whole thing.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: So to recap, the blues and yellows gave the reds more money for this sort of thing that the reds won’t spend (yet). The reds say the blues and yellows are giving them less money.

The blues, yellows, reds and greens all say they’re on the side of the people and the reds say they’re the party of the unions. The unions seem to be on the same side as the blues, yellows and greens?

JOHN BRACE: No because a lot of those involved with the unions to put it mildly dislike the blues.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: Your whole political system makes no sense whatsoever!!!

JOHN BRACE: That’s “democracy” for you.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: Don’t people get frustrated having to live under such a system?

JOHN BRACE: Yes which is why they get a vote.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: And what does a vote do?

JOHN BRACE: It allows people to pick the politicians out of the reds, blues, greens, yellows, purples et cetera.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: So if your political system is as it is it’s the public who are to blame?

JOHN BRACE: Well no, our system ignores a majority of their votes. Let’s give an example. This year in Pensby and Thingwall 4,086 people voted.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: OK.

JOHN BRACE: Roughly one in three of those voted for the red party, the rest (two in three) voted for someone else.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: So someone else won?

JOHN BRACE: No the red party won, although most people voted for someone else.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: So you’re saying the red party is now in charge making the decisions, even though most people who voted in Pensby & Thingwall didn’t want them in charge?

JOHN BRACE: Yes.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: So your voting system means you ignore the wishes of most people and then just pick someone that most people don’t want?

JOHN BRACE: Sometimes.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: Well doesn’t that mean whoever is in charge is unpopular?

JOHN BRACE: Well that’s the weird thing about our political system, since the red party have been in charge, they’ve become slightly more popular with the public.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: Well according to what you just told me they weren’t very popular to start with!

JOHN BRACE: Indeed, but if you look at that election I just mentioned it was between a red and a former red that had switched to the blues. The reds really really did not want their former colleague to win.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: So the public were asked to vote to choose between a red and a former red who is now a blue!

JOHN BRACE: Yes.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: So let’s get this straight, the reds are in charge not because they’re terribly popular but because of your voting system.

JOHN BRACE: Yes.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: And most people don’t vote or when they do vote often their vote doesn’t count (which is why they often choose not to vote)?

JOHN BRACE: Yes.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: And that’s called democracy?

JOHN BRACE: Yes.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: But the children of Lyndale are not allowed to vote?

JOHN BRACE: No.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: Why not?

JOHN BRACE: I don’t make the rules here.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: So Lyndale School can be closed by a bunch of red politicians that most people never voted for and in some places a majority don’t want, that claim to be the party of the unions (who are against the idea), claim to the party of the people (who are also against the idea) and the ones who will be affected (the children) don’t even get a say in whether the politicians are red, blue, yellow, green (or something else) this year?

JOHN BRACE: You left out the bit about the reds blaming it all on the blues and the yellows.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: Oh yes, the red politicians say they don’t have any money because of the blues and the yellows, but the blues and the yellows say well that’s the reds’ fault but they’ve given the reds more money anyway?

JOHN BRACE: As usual it is more complicated than that.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: And you call that “democracy”, sounds like disorganised chaos!

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A Martian tries to understand the incredible Lyndale School situation

A Martian tries to understand the incredible Lyndale School situation

A Martian tries to understand the incredible Lyndale School situation

                                                  

Marvin the Martian from Disney's Looney Tunes
Marvin the Martian from Disney’s Looney Tunes

The below is a fictional interview with Marvin the Martian about Lyndale School. Marvin the Martian is trademarked to Warner Brothers Entertainment. Our legal team point out their trademark doesn’t actually cover its use on blogs but in case they try to argue this blog is an “entertainment service”, it isn’t, so no laughing! Yes I mean it, not even a smile! We also point out it’s not an infringing use of class 9 of this trademark as that refers to its use on goods rather than virtually.

We rely on s.30 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 and class this as “fair dealing” due to the acknowledgement above. When the The Copyright and Rights in Performances (Quotation and Parody) Regulations 2014 come into force in October, we’ll probably rely on them too and the new section 30A on parody.

JOHN BRACE: Thanks for agreeing to be interviewed about Lyndale School.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: You’re welcome. We have watched your news broadcasts about this school and are frankly confused. Back on Mars we would be asking our politicians to resign if they behaved as yours do. Why do your politicians think they can get away with being like this?

JOHN BRACE: Well they don’t operate under Martian law for a start. British law gives them wide latitude to do what they like within reason.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: Well our politicians always tell us they’re on the side of the people, how come yours aren’t?

JOHN BRACE: Well that’s difficult to say. The yellow, blue and green politicians have said they are. The red ones are being careful not to express an opinion.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: “Not to express an opinion”! If we had politicians like that it would spark a revolution!

JOHN BRACE: We’re too polite for revolutions here, the most the British tend to do if they’re cross is write a grumpy letter.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: Does that work?

JOHN BRACE: Sometimes.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: So getting back to Lyndale, can you explain it simply in terms we can understand?

JOHN BRACE: If someone could they would have. Money is taken off the people in the form of taxes. These taxes are then used for services such as education and schools such as Lyndale.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: Yes, we have schools for our young Martians too.

JOHN BRACE: The politicians decide how the money is spent and what on. They’ve decided to spend it on Lyndale this year, but have yet to make their minds up about next year.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: So what’s changed?

JOHN BRACE: Well, there’s been a consultation about closing the school. This is because of lack of money, but everyone’s also been told it won’t save any money and could in fact cost more.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: That sounds very confusing.

JOHN BRACE: It is. The other reason given is that the school is small.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: What’s the problem with small schools then?

JOHN BRACE: Seems the bureaucrats don’t like them. More schools means more problems for them.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: So this is being done to suit the bureaucrats?

JOHN BRACE: Well no, the politicians decided on this.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: Why?

JOHN BRACE: Because the bureaucrats told them too.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: These bureaucrats sound like they have more power than the politicians.

JOHN BRACE: Well we’ll leave that discussion for another day. The bureaucrats blame it on the government.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: What’s “the government”?

JOHN BRACE: Another set of politicians.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: So let’s recap, one set of politicians “the government” is used as a reason by the bureaucrats to persuade another set of politicians to close the school?

JOHN BRACE: Almost right, but “the government” deny that they want to close the school.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: I’m confused again.

JOHN BRACE: So am I.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: Wouldn’t it be easier if we just invaded Wallasey Town Hall and promised not to close the school?

JOHN BRACE: Maybe it would, but sadly as you’re a fictional character it won’t happen.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: A shame, I was looking forward to invading your planet. So going back to Lyndale, apart from confusing arguments about money and its small size is there any other unstated reason why they want to shut it?

JOHN BRACE: Well the person in charge of special educational needs left and a new guy came in. Some people don’t like him.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: Why don’t they like him?

JOHN BRACE: For a wide variety of reasons I won’t go into because it’ll probably lead to another libel threat.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: What’s that?

JOHN BRACE: Where Wirral Council threaten to sue you for telling the public the truth.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: Can they do that?

JOHN BRACE: No they can’t, our laws don’t allow it but sometimes they get a little cheesed off with me.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: Why would they have issues with someone telling the truth about them?

JOHN BRACE: Because they have been known in the past not to tell the truth, if the public hears two mutually contradictory versions of the same thing they tend to assume Wirral Council is lying.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: So why would they lie?

JOHN BRACE: The less the public know about what goes on, the easier it is for them to do things. If the public do find out they can get quite grumpy and ask the politicians to do something about it.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: Ahh, so the public have been asking the politicians to do something about Lyndale?

JOHN BRACE: Yes.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: So if the red politicians are so gung-ho about closure that must mean lots of people have asked them to close it?

JOHN BRACE: No, quite the opposite the majority of people have told the red politicians not to close it.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: I’m confused again, I thought the politicians were supposed to be on the side of the people.

JOHN BRACE: Well you’d hope so, but not always. Generally the public don’t get a say in political decision-making, it all gets carved up by the establishment.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: And who or what are the “establishment”?

JOHN BRACE: People with the connections to make sure the decision-making always goes their way.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: Wow, they sound very powerful.!

JOHN BRACE: They are.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: So why don’t the “establishment” just listen to the people?

JOHN BRACE: Well in public they say they do, in private things are a little more complex. Sometimes different sections of the public ask for two completely different things.

MARVIN THE MARTIN: So they have to use their own judgement on matters?

JOHN BRACE: Yes, but getting back to Lyndale.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: Ahh yes Lyndale. You have red, green, blue and yellow politicians who individually don’t seem to understand the “big picture”.

JOHN BRACE: Yes.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: And who all say they’re on the side of the public?

JOHN BRACE: Yes.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: The green, blue and yellow politicians all say they’ll do their best with Lyndale knowing it’s only the red politicians that will decide?

JOHN BRACE: Yes.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: The red politicians are doing this because the bureaucrats told them that they’d have to because of a different set of blue and yellow (but not green) politicians?

JOHN BRACE: Sort of.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: But it’s not about money.

JOHN BRACE: Different answers have been given to that one.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: So what is it really about?

JOHN BRACE: Well the school is for disabled children, some of whom thankfully have a sense of humour and laugh at all this.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: Good for them, but it’s no “laughing matter”?

JOHN BRACE: You got it it’s a very serious matter.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: So why don’t they just let the children decide?

JOHN BRACE: It’s a novel suggestion, but the red politicians wouldn’t allow it no.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: Is there another reason why the red politicians could be doing it this way?

JOHN BRACE: Well another red politician called Alison is in a battle with the blues to carry on as a politician.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: So is she on the side of the reds or the people?

JOHN BRACE: She would say both. However it would be breaking the rules to use such issues for party political gain.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: But that could explain why the red politicians are keeping quiet?

JOHN BRACE: The red politicians just do what they’re told.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: By who?

JOHN BRACE: The red leader and the Cabinet Member.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: Why?

JOHN BRACE: Because if they didn’t, they’d be causing trouble and nobody wants to be seen to rock the boat.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: So they have to vote for something they may not personally agree with?

JOHN BRACE: Yes.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: Sounds strange, I thought they were supposed to represent the people.

JOHN BRACE: At election time yes, but they also represent their party too.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: So what will happen about Lyndale?

JOHN BRACE: A solution will have to be found that means the red politicians save face.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: What does that mean?

JOHN BRACE: Well they will need to both blame what’s happened on someone (something they’ve had a lot of practice doing) and come out of it smelling like roses.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: But the public think something stinks?

JOHN BRACE: Yes they do, but as I said before the public aren’t the establishment.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: I see, so it’s terribly complicated isn’t it? The blue, green and yellow politicians can say what they like because they don’t make the decisions. The red politicians do make the decision but won’t talk. The bureaucrats have told the red politicians it’s all the blue and yellow politicians’ (but not green politicians’) fault. The shadowy “establishment” always gets its own way and basically the wishes of the children, staff, public are pushed to one side and politely ignored?

JOHN BRACE: In a nutshell, but it’s a little more complicated than that. There’s also a group called the media or press that is powerful too.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: Ahh, you haven’t mentioned them yet!

JOHN BRACE: Well I’m part of them so I have. The broadcast (TV), print (newspaper), online (blogs) have all decided to side with the school.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: Why’s that?

JOHN BRACE: Well the media don’t have to give reasons, but they think the politicians are being unfair by picking on people that can’t stick up for themselves.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: But they are!

JOHN BRACE: That’s a matter of opinion.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: Only a coward would pick on someone that couldn’t fight back.

JOHN BRACE: Indeed. However the media are powerful because they influence how people think.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: Ahh, including the politicians, the establishment, the bureaucrats and the people.

JOHN BRACE: Yes, however there are wider international considerations too. Nobody wants another war.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: Why would picking on disabled kids and closing a school start a war?

JOHN BRACE: On its own no, but pandering to society’s prejudices towards the disabled, coupled with the purple party talking about immigration and other factors could.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: Ahh there’s a purple party too!

JOHN BRACE: Yes but they really don’t feature in this tale. They have politicians at the European level but not national or local.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: Good as we’re starting to run out of colours.

JOHN BRACE: As I was saying, the fragmentation of society by playing off people against each other and scapegoating minorities leads eventually to war.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: Oh dear. Has that happened before?

JOHN BRACE: Yes. Many times which is why measures were put in place to prevent things getting to that stage.

MARVIN THE MARTIAN: So will these “measures” prevent Lyndale being closed?

JOHN BRACE: Who knows? We’ll just have to wait and see.

Continues at A Martian tries to understand the incredible Lyndale School situation (episode 2).

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In Ankh-Morpork, Lord Devices discusses the future of Lyndale, leaks, consultation and golf with his minions

In Ankh-Morpork, Lord Devices discusses the future of Lyndale, leaks, consultation and golf with his minions

In Ankh-Morpork, Lord Devices discusses the future of Lyndale, leaks, consultation and golf with a minion

                                               

Charles Dance as Lord Vetinari in Terry Pratchett's Going Postal
Charles Dance as Lord Vetinari in Terry Pratchett’s Going Postal

The following is a work of satire.

Deep in the heart of Ankh-Morpok, Lord Devices (who had become Lord a few months after the removal of Lord Fooks a few years before) was meeting with his employees.

“I’m afraid I have bad news your Lordship, the Guild of Lyndale Workers is not happy with your plans to put them out of work and there is outright rebellion among the people against you.”

Lord Devices frowned. He wasn’t used to his employees openly challenging him like this, but had been warned by his advisers in the past to be nice as it was exceedingly expensive not to, even though there were some days they would try the patience of a saint. His short reply was “but we consulted them first didn’t we?”

The minion, looking rather worried that his name would be added to the list of five hundred employees that were getting the chop thought very carefully about how to reply to such a question. “Yes we did, it was a marvellous consultation! We asked people’s opinions far and wide and received nearly a hundred replies.”

Lord Devices looked puzzled, “and we told them all we would be reading the consultation responses too before reaching a decision?”

The minion replied, “Oh yes, we did, albeit after someone gave them the impression we’d made our minds up already.”

Lord Devices frowned, “I thought it was up to me to decide!” starting to look decidedly cross and rather grumpy.

After first retreating a suitable distance the minion said, “Well, unfortunately a rather junior minion gave the public the impression you would just be rubber stamping our previous recommendations to close the school as per your previous decisions in this matter.”

Lord Devices’ voice got louder, “What? Who dared to do this? Who dared to challenge my authority to decide things?”

Careful consideration of what to say next prompted the following response, “Well as you know your Lord, nobody is ever personally accountable here and no names are ever given to the public, but if you wish we will investigate whether we should take disciplinary proceedings against this very junior employee. If anyone asks, we then have a convenient scapegoat.”

There was a pregnant pause followed by “None of your loyal minions would ever do such a thing.” said with a smile as the last sentence was said in an obvious attempt to curry favour in a decidedly difficult situation.

Lord Devices said, “Very well and is there anything else about this Lyndale matter I should know about?”

Thinking on his feet, the minion said, “Well as per ‘instructions’ we argued that the over ten thousand signatures on the petition didn’t comply with our policies and therefore that only a few hundred should be accepted. This led to us being referred to as ‘childish’ in the press by one of the parents.”

Lord Devices said, “Don’t worry about that, only half the city receives that newspaper and many of the people that do, can’t read thanks to our excellent education system. Is there anything else?”

The minion said, “Well, there have been leaks…”

Lord Devices starting to look furious replied, “Leaks! Who’s been leaking stuff?!” as his blood pressure rose to unsafe levels “Really, I thought we’d clamped down on leaks!!! Didn’t we threaten that blogger recently for printing leaks?”

The minion replied, “Well yes we did, but sadly we can’t keep a lid on the whole golf thing now.

The blogger in question seems to know some aspects of the law better than we do. He even took one of those Lib Dems politicians to court and won.”

Lord Devices started beaming at the mention of one of his enemies having to answer to a judge in a courtroom and losing, “You still haven’t mentioned what was leaked. What was it?”

Realising he shouldn’t lie or prevaricate the answer was, “Well there were hundreds and hundreds of documents. In fact so much our press department would go into meltdown and start asking for time off if the public started knowing about them all. One of them relating to Lyndale was that we were paying another school far more per a child than Lyndale which we deliberately failed to mention in our report to you. It’s a school that isn’t earmarked for closure, but is a special school. It makes our arguments about Lyndale being too expensive look a little hollow now.

The blogger also has a year’s worth of legal invoices containing many, many secrets we’d prefer to keep hidden and some very embarrassing invoices relating to an IT contractor.”

Lord Devices frowned and his voice grew a little louder, “and why did nobody try to stop him?”

The minion replied, “We did, we redacted and redacted and redacted! In fact we even we did it so much we had to order more black marker pens (our supplier is now offering us a bulk discount)! The trouble is he’s clever and figures out what has been blacked out. We assume he must be getting some sort of outside help but so far our spies have yet to report back on this.”

Lord Devices said, “So what you’re saying is if the public knew about these things, if the public knew how much we were spending on things we wish to keep a lid on, it would be harder to justify shutting Lyndale?”

The answer given was “Yes, but there is another matter too.”

Lord Devices said, “I hope this is good news.”

The minion said, “Well, we tried to distract the blogger with a report about Fernbank Farm.”

Lord Devices said, “Did this cunning ploy work?”

The reply was “Well he did start writing about Fernbank Farm instead but he’s branched out into satire and wrote about it as a Wild West tale and now people are laughing at us.”

Lord Devices was not amused. “So what you’re basically saying is this. The press have received a large amount of highly sensitive and embarrassing information (including the consultation responses).

Not only are people starting to laugh at us, but employees have started to act like politicians in outright insubordination at my elected authority!

You do realise that now I’m going to get the blame for what’s gone on now? There’s no way my merry band of politicians are going to agree to take the blame for all of this!! It isn’t our fault our instructions were carried out incompetently! We have to face the public in elections next year, you don’t! The Greens won in my ward this year, even my seat isn’t safe any more!”

The minion replied, “Well as usual we have a plan B which we’ve already started on. For the sake of our careers, we’re leaving this now up to you. Politicians come and go, but officers don’t.”

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The £1,092,160.12 PFI invoice connected to Lyndale School & why Wirral Council can afford to keep Lyndale open

The £1,092,160.12 PFI invoice connected to Lyndale School & why Wirral Council can afford to keep Lyndale open

The £1,092,160.12 PFI invoice connected to Lyndale School & why Wirral Council can afford to keep Lyndale open

                                               

Wirral Schools Services Limted Invoice Wirral Borough Council 12th December 2013 PFI Schools £1,092,160.12

To the left is a £1,092,160.12 invoice for Wirral Council for paying a company called Wirral School Services Limited under a PFI agreement. This is a monthly invoice, so the yearly total comes to about £12 million. As previously reported this is a story about money and education that is rather complex, but does connect to Lyndale School.

The current PFI contract was signed ten years ago, when Cllr Phil Davies was Cabinet Member for this area. It was originally supposed to run for 25 years in 2001 but was extended in 2004.

For many of these years, if I am getting this right, it was funded from general Council resources and not through the Schools Budget. This year £600,000 of costs for the PFI agreement are paid for by an £1.4 million underspend in money that it was agreed would be spent on special educational needs.

Next year, it’s been stated that Wirral Council want to reduce its contribution to the PFI agreement by £2 million, which led to some angry exchanges at a recent Wirral Schools Forum meeting about the consequences of this decision.

Basically it means that for 2015-16 (the year that there’s been the recent consultation on closing Lyndale) that £2 million of extra compensatory savings will have to be found because of a political decision. The actual funding from one year to the next that Wirral Council is receiving for education isn’t really changing that much so this £2 million issue has dare I say it ruffled some feathers.

I state political decision because (yes there was a U-turn on this last year so who knows really) statements already made are that Labour want to freeze Council Tax in 2015-16 at 2014-15 levels.

However, going back to Lyndale School (soon to be discussed at a special Cabinet meeting). This underspend on special educational needs (money already agreed that should be spent in this area) was shifted out of that budget to pay for the PFI costs. I have requested the actual contract between Wirral Council and Wirral School Services Limited, first by a freedom of information request (denied), now as part of the audit (I’m still waiting).

Based on what I do know, I can tell you this. Part of the PFI cost is funded by a fixed grant Wirral Council get of £5.5 million a year. There are facilities management support costs built into the contract that Wirral Council charge the schools for which total about £3.3 million a year. However this leaves a gap of £2.5 million.

Until this year (although strangely at the Lyndale call in officers stated that funding educational items from outside the schools budget would cause problems and as far as I remember somewhat glossed over the fact that they were already doing this to the tune of £millions for the PFI schools), Wirral Council have plugged this gap.

The problem is essentially due to a political decision not to raise Council Tax in 2015-16 and not carry on with this arrangement (diverting an underspend from special educational needs to plug the gap this year) that although the education money Wirral Council receive is hardly changing that from next year (when there’s a General Election on) the cuts to education can be blamed on the national coalition government despite this being a local decision that’s been made.

I’ve looked at what happened in another borough on Merseyside at their Schools Forum when there’s an underspend in special educational needs. The money didn’t get diverted in this way and was carried forward to the next year to be also spent in that budget area.

There’s no legal impediment in money between different budget headings in the schools budget being shifted around in this way, but as far as I can tell not one of the schools covered by the PFI agreement fall into the special schools category (please correct me if I’m wrong on this point). Therefore there is the moral question to be asked should money previously agreed to be spent on special educational needs be diverted to pay for PFI projects in this way?

Obviously if you’re a parent or member of staff at Lyndale School the answer to that would probably be no. Yes, I have somewhat simplified matters and there are complicated factors involved also in schools funding such as the minimum funding guarantee which for example for this year guarantees that the money schools receive from Wirral Council won’t drop by more than 1.5%.

Interestingly as Wirral Council wanted to bring in its “banding” for special educational needs this year, it asked the Education Funding Agency for permission to drop school budgets by more than the minimum funding guarantee (which is a legal requirement) allows. However this request was withdrawn.

There is also a little confusion as to what was agreed by the Wirral Schools Forum in its five bands for special educational needs. There’s £10,000 for each child, then bands depending on need that go up to £16,000 (band five). However band five was never an absolute limit and from what I remember there was flexibility to go above this in certain circumstances. In fact I doubt putting funding into bands would have ever been agreed by the Wirral Schools Forum without that uncapped band.

You see there is an uncapped band that applies to independent schools, non-maintained schools or schools located outside of Wirral. If Lyndale closed and some children were transferred to schools outside of Wirral there wouldn’t be a cap on their education funding. In fact it almost seems wrong to cap funding to Wirral’s special schools, but not outside of the Wirral.

To give an example of a special education school on the Wirral that falls into the independent category, below is a three page invoice to Wirral Council for one term which totals £535,098.00. These fees range from £10,213 a term to £23,361.00 (or over a year would be from ~£31k to £69k per a pupil). Just for comparison, the consultation on closing Lyndale is because ~£33k a child per a year is seen as high, but when you compare that to what children at West Kirby Residential School cost Wirral Council is actually lower.

44 children at West Kirby Residential School cost £535,098 a term (£12,161 a term). There are three terms in a year, so that works out at about £36,483 a child there compared to ~£33k at Lyndale.

The truth is Wirral Council officers have made an artificial comparison between Lyndale School and other special schools were the needs of children (and therefore staffing costs) were far, far less than at Lyndale School which made Lyndale School look expensive by comparison.

What do you think? Below is a heavily redacted invoice (unfortunately as its double-sided some of the redactions come through on the other side) that backs up my argument that Wirral Council does have the money currently to fund special schools at Lyndale levels (or even in the case of West Kirby Residential School above Lyndale levels).

West Kirby Residential School invoice November 2013 Page 1 of 3 £535098
West Kirby Residential School invoice November 2013 Page 1 of 3 £535098
West Kirby Residential School invoice November 2013 Page 2 of 3 £535098
West Kirby Residential School invoice November 2013 Page 2 of 3 £535098
West Kirby Residential School invoice November 2013 Page 3 of 3 £535098
West Kirby Residential School invoice November 2013 Page 3 of 3 £535098

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Wirral Council’s Cabinet to decide on one of 3 options for Lyndale: keep it open, close it or change it to an academy

Wirral Council’s Cabinet to decide on one of 3 options for Lyndale: keep it open, close it or change it to an academy

Wirral Council’s Cabinet to decide on one of 3 options for Lyndale: keep it open, close it or change it to an academy

 

Phil Ward (Wirral Council's SEN Lead) at a later meeting of Wirral Schools Forum 2nd July 2014 (who chaired the consultation meeting at Acre Lane on the 16th June)

Phil Ward (Wirral Council’s SEN Lead) at a later meeting of Wirral Schools Forum 2nd July 2014 (who chaired the consultation meeting at Acre Lane on the 16th June and is referred to in some of the consultation responses)

Well the papers for the special meeting of Wirral Council’s Cabinet to decide on the next steps about Lyndale School have appeared on Wirral Council’s website.

Despite an officer refusing a month ago my Freedom of Information request for the consultation responses on the basis that they would be published (which implies that they would be published as part of the papers for the special Cabinet meeting) the consultation responses (a majority of responses are against closing the school) aren’t included in the papers for the Cabinet meeting.

In an exclusive for this blog I did publish them on Tuesday, but that’s not really the point.

I hate to labour the point, but this is how consultations are “supposed to work”. An idea or policy is proposed, you have a consultation on it, you then publish the consultation responses in an open and transparent way so that the decision makers take them on board.

Not including the consultation responses with the Cabinet papers for the special meeting, gives the impression that officers don’t want material published that would lead to say “awkward questions”. Surely doing consultations isn’t rocket science, surely Wirral Council has run so many consultations they know how to do it by now?

The “bureaucratic machinations” go beyond just this “oversight” of not including the approximately three hundred pages of consultation responses. After all some of those responses are very critical of the way the consultation was actually run.

Let’s take how officers deal with the large petition. This gets a brief mention in appendix 5 on the last page.

I quote “A petition was received in support of Lyndale School containing 10,692 entries, of which 2,580 were duplicates, illegible or un-named, missing or non-existent addresses and 3,178 were resident outside Wirral. The remaining 4,935 entries comprised 702 “written” entries and 4,233 “epetition” entries.”

Last time I checked, Wirral wasn’t its own country with a big twenty-foot wall on the border and rumours of “barbarians” outside Wirral that well, you don’t have to listen to. The school is in Eastham which is on the edge of Wirral! Of course there are going to be people outside of Wirral are going to sign the petition (some of whom will probably live far nearer the school than I do living in Bidston). To callously state or imply that the views of over three thousand people don’t count because they don’t live here, I mean well doesn’t this sum up an attitude that has caused some of the problems and got Wirral nicknamed the “insular peninsula”? Family members of those attending the school could be living outside the Wirral, so could staff or other people closely associated with the school.

Moving on to duplicates, there was a written petition and an e-petition, obviously some people will have signed both versions. As to “illegible or un-named, missing or non-existent addresses”, well (I’m writing this as someone who has in the past gone door to door collecting petition signatures but I’ll point out not this petition) there are many adults in today’s society that couldn’t write their own name and address even if they wanted to (a sad reflection of our education system). It doesn’t mean their views don’t count!

The report goes on to state “Note that the Wirral Council Petition Scheme says a valid e-petition entry requires name, postcode and e-mail address. The e-petition was submitted as part of the consultation with name and postcode but without e-mail address”, so basically what this is saying is that out of 10,692 petition signatures, a Wirral Council officer only classes the 702 on a written petition as “valid” and feels happy enough to just disregard the views of the other ten thousand people.

There is a breakdown of the petition signers by ward, obviously the ward where the school is based Eastham attracts the highest number.

However moving on to the crucial question of what is the actual recommendation of officers as to what to do next (and what’s the result of the independent report into whether the options meet the SEN Improvement Test)?

Well in a U-turn from previous statements about being minded to recommend closure, page 19 states “In January 2014 Cabinet agreed to undertake a consultation on the closure of The Lyndale School, the consultation closed in June 2014. This report recommends that Cabinet considers the contents of this report and makes a decision on this matter.” which probably to most people is a recommendation that is about as clear as mud as to what officers want but at least they’re trying to be impartial.

The reason given is “The Council has a responsibility to manage resources effectively for all schools and the school population. We would like to affirm our continued intention to work positively with the children and families affected by any recommendations, and reassure parents of our continued commitment to their child’s wellbeing and education.”

I will translate these two into plainer English for those not as familiar as myself with “Council speak”:

“In January* politicians decided to ask the public for their views on closing Lyndale School. Consultation with the public happened and finished in June. This report (written from the perspective of officers) tells you what we think happened during that consultation and it’s now time for politicians to make a decision.”

* Note: since January the politicians on the Cabinet have changed as Brian Kenny lost his seat in the May elections to the Green Party and Cllr Harry Smith has also left meaning there are two different Labour councillors taking these places (Cllr Stuart Whittingham and Cllr Bernie Mooney).

“It is about money, but don’t blame us senior officers for all this as we’re trying to put children first.”

So, what’s likely to happen and which of the options have been ruled out as they don’t meet the SEN Improvement Test?

Well this is detailed in the “independent” report.

This report states in section 5.2 “In reality the only viable course of action is Option 7, to close the Lyndale
School and expand Stanley School and Elleray Park School to provide 220/230 places.”

However the report is more detailed than that. Let’s analyse each of the options in detail:

Option 7.1 which are variations on retaining Lyndale

Retain Lyndale and change funding bands

The report states that it is unlikely that the funding bands will be reviewed until after the end of financial year 2014/15, which let’s face it by the time a review and consultation is undertaken on this, Lyndale could’ve been closed down. Even though the banding decision is a political one that politicians could change their minds (if they so wished) on at any time and a final decision on next year’s school budget has yet to be made. The independent report refers to the deficit, but many schools operate with a surplus or a deficit (they don’t get earmarked for closure though). As this is “no change” option, the SEN Improvement Test is met.

Retain Lyndale School and restrict places at Elleray Park and Stanley

The report author seems to be against this option on grounds of parental choice “Restriction of places at either of the schools will restrict parental choice. This may result in appeals by parents to the SEN Tribunal. Restriction of places also goes against Government policy which encourages the expansion of popular schools.”

Retain Lyndale School and extend to full range of CLD

The report author states that if Lyndale School took on children with CLD then these would be children they would receive less money for (per a child) than the children with PMLD which would worsen their financial situation rather than improve it.

Retain Lyndale School and school commits to take full range of CLD. Stanley and Elleray Park admissions kept to place numbers

This option also includes changing the funding bands for children at Lyndale. There aren’t any major quibbles the report author seems to have with this option and quotes statistics (based on July 2014 figures) of Stanley with 100 children and ninety places, Elleray Park has 94 children and 90 places. So both schools are currently oversubscribed based on their places.

It mentions that Stanley School could take as high as 120 children and once the building work at Elleray Park is completed in September 2015, that its capacity will increase to 110.

Option 7.2 Lyndale becomes a 2-19 school

The report author goes into detail as to this option, but points out that it could take about seven years for numbers to reach about fifty. The report author sees this as a “high risk option” as it would require capital investment in the school and run the risk of not working out. Four parts of the SEN Improvement test are quoted as not being met for this option. Although this is an option parents want, it seems highly unlikely this will happen.

7.3 Federate (hard or soft) with another school with Lyndale remaining on current site

There is nobody obvious that Lyndale would federate with and this option is ruled out as not meeting three of SEN Improvement Test requirements.

7.4 Co-locate Lyndale School with another special school (which also covers co-locate and federate with another special school)

As with 7.3 there’s no-one obvious that Lyndale would federate with, this option is looked at in detail and ruled out as not meeting three of the SEN Improvement Test requirements.

7.5 Lyndale becoming an Academy/Free School

Such a decision is for the Department for Education and parents, the report author still thinks that Lyndale will have problems with funding but cannot demonstrate how it would/wouldn’t meet the SEN Improvement Test.

7.6 Close Lyndale School. Open two SLD bases in Primary schools for 6/8 pupils each. Expand
Elleray Park and Stanley schools to 100 each

This has a number of sub options which are

Close Lyndale
Close Lyndale and open SLD bases in two primary schools
Close Lyndale, open SLD places in two primary schools and expand Elleray Park and Stanley to 100 each
Close Lyndale and open a PMLD base on the new Foxfield site

However this is ruled out as it doesn’t meet four of the requirements in the SEN Improvement Test.

7.7 Close Lyndale. Expand Stanley/Elleray Park schools to provide 220/230 places

This option also contains the option “Close Lyndale and expand either Stanley or Elleray Park”.

The report author considers the first option as meeting the SEN Improvement Test (however doesn’t go into much detail). The second option is considered to not meet the SEN Improvement Test because of parental choice grounds.

7.8 Close Lyndale School but retain the site making another school a split site school. The Lyndale site would be retained for as long as felt necessary

The suboptions are “until children currently at the school had left” and “until the receiving school no longer required it”.

This is ruled out as not meeting four of the requirements of the SEN Improvement Test.

So the options Cabinet will be considering next Thursday that aren’t ruled out as they breach the requirements of the SEN Improvement Test (which can be quite subjective but this is based on the report author’s opinion are):

Option 7.1 Retain Lyndale

This is further split into sub options such as retain Lyndale and change funding bands, retain Lyndale School and restrict places at Elleray Park and Stanley, retain Lyndale School and extend to full range of CLD and retain Lyndale School and school commits to take full range of CLD. Stanley and Elleray Park admissions kept to place numbers.

Option 7.5 Lyndale becoming an Academy/Free School

The author can’t say one way or the author as to whether this option breaches any of the requirements of the SEN Improvement Test.

Option 7.7 Close Lyndale. Expand Stanley/Elleray Park schools to provide 220/230 places

This is the option that people associated with Lyndale School don’t want. However if Cabinet chose this option it would trigger a further consultation and a future decision to be made following that consultation.

So therefore the three options that aren’t ruled out by in some way breaching the SEN Improvement Test (according to the report author) are:

1) various options on the theme of keeping Lyndale,
2) the Academy/Free School option (which depends on the Department for Education agreeing to it) or
3) closing Lyndale.

Wirral Council’s Cabinet will meet in Committee Room 1 at Wallasey Town Hall in Brighton Street, Seacombe starting at 6.15pm for a special meeting just to make a decision on Lyndale School (which will be a public meeting).

If you would like to contact the people who will be making the decision, contact details are below (although it is always possible that some of these people will not be able to make it to the meeting, however even if not present at the meeting they are bound by collective responsibility for decisions taken). Please note the addresses below are home addresses in case you want to write to them in advance of the meeting by post.

The papers for this meeting have been published on Wirral Council’s website and the consultation responses can be read here.

Councillor Phil Davies (he chairs the Cabinet meetings) phildavies@wirral.gov.uk/ 0151 625 3320 / 07720 073154 / 16 Westbourne Grove, West Kirby, Wirral, CH48 4DL

Cllr Ann McLachlan (she often chairs Cabinet meetings if Cllr Phil Davies is not available) annmclachlan@wirral.gov.uk / 0151 522 0299 / 27 Danefield Road, Greasby, CH49 3BP

Cllr George Davies georgedavies@wirral.gov.uk / 0151 653 4265 / 07713 644330 / 46 Shamrock Road, Claughton, Birkenhead, Wirral, CH41 0EQ

Cllr Adrian Jones adrianjones@wirral.gov.uk / 0151 638 9050 / 10 Elmswood Road, Seacombe, Wallasey, CH44 8DB

Cllr Chris Jones christinejones@wirral.gov.uk / 0151 638 9050 / 07853 042243 / 10 Elmswood Road, Seacombe, Wallasey, CH44 8DB

Cllr Chris Meaden chrismeaden@wirral.gov.uk / 0151 645 1729 / 07738 824130 / 19 Inglemere Road, Rock Ferry, Birkenhead, Wirral, CH42 4QL

Cllr Pat Hackett pathackett@wirral.gov.uk / 0151 638 1543 / 07771 972302 / 7 Wood Lane, Wallasey, Wirral, CH45 8QP

Cllr Tony Smith (he is the Cabinet Member for Children and Family Services whose portfolio Lyndale School falls under) tonysmith@wirral.gov.uk / 0151 677 1384 / 27 South Drive, Upton, Wirral, Merseyside, CH49 6LA

Cllr Bernie Mooney berniemooney@wirral.gov.uk / 0151 200 8089 / 07811 060891 / 30 Brompton Avenue, Liscard, Wallasey, Wirral, CH44 0BD

Cllr Stuart Whittingham stuartwhittingham@wirral.gov.uk / 0151 653 5539 / 16 Fender Way, Prenton, Birkenhead, Wirral, CH43 7ZJ

All of the above ten politicians are members of the Labour Party. If you wish to contact one of your three local councillors (assuming that you live on the Wirral) their contact details are here, but it will only be names listed above (assuming they can make it) who will be making the decision at the special Cabinet meeting about Lyndale School.

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